Berlin, the last days

(Not that this is gonna change anything.)

I don't want to leave.
I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE.
I D-O-N-T W-A-N-T T-O L-E-A-V-E.

I
d
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w
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leave.

Leave. I don't want to.
Want to don't leave I.
Don't I want to leave.
To want I leave don't.

Leave.
I.
Leave.
Want. Want. Want.
Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
don't.

Berlin, the last days

Im Moment gibt es, außer meiner Analyse, keinen guten Grund nach München zurückzugehen. Die Dinge, die ich fliehen wollte, sind immer noch da; der dumme Klein-Mädchen-Glaube, sie wären während meiner Abwesenheit verschwunden hat sich nicht bewahrheitet; im Gegenteil. Wie ein Geschwür weiterwächst, wenn man es ignoriert.

Fab's wisdom of the day

Und wenn du glaubst es geht nicht mehr, dann kommt von irgendwo her noch ein unerwarteter Haufen Scheiße daher.

Berlin, the last days. Thoughtful.

I guess when you're as out of touch with your body and nerdy as I and much people around me are, the only chance your body has of getting a rest is to become ill. It's its way of saying: "Come on, you have to give me a chance here!"

Allright, I got the message, dear. And I will make yet another promise to take more care of you.

Berlin, the last days

It sucks to be ill - I guess everybody would agree on that.

What sucks even more:

- Getting ill during your 3-weeks-stay in one of the most exciting towns you can imagine.

- Being ill while sharing an appartment with 4 other people (one of them being the person whose room you're living in) who cannot talk with each other without bursting into fits of (extremely loud) laughter every 5 minutes or so.

- Becoming ill without having finished to copy all the important documents you found at the library, and you're not sure whether you will be able to still make them or not.

- Not being able to meet a friend you meant to meet for the last 2 and a half weeks or so because you're ill.

- Being ill while one of your friends is here to visit you.

- Being ill in a place that doesn't have a TV and your only resort to watch episodes of the L word is youtube.

=> My life right now.

Berlin, Day 7. Prospective Future.

Today is kinda like my first day off in Berlin.
I'm going to meet a superhero at the ZOB.
I'm probably going to go to a birthday picknick afterwards.
It's gonna be exciting.
Yay!

Berlin, Day 6. Relations.

This seems to be the week of relationship movies. Unconsciously (thus probably not accidentally) I've seen to movies about couples in the past days Alle Anderen and Revolutionary Road. Although they're set in different countries (Germany; USA) and different times (present; the 50s), both show a fairly young (meaning: roughly my age) couple trying to come to terms with their relationship, their dreams, the future they imagined for themselves. Generally speaking, they were trying to negotiate the difference between ideal and reality of their relationship.

A lot of the things in these movies resonated in me: Here were protagonists my age trying to make some sort of major life decision; wrestling with the question whether they had "succeeded" in realizing their dreams or not and whether or not they were living the life they had imagined for themselves. It was a lot about not only assessing (if you want to call it that way) yourself, but also their partners as a sort of "mirror image" of themselves. Partners, like children, are sometimes a sort of appendix of our selves (like a trophy wife). We seem to think that we are judged according to the person we are with. Needless to say, both movies were also about "the others" - society, community, families - and how they perceive us as a couple; as part of an entity.

The situation I am in right now is different, of course, because I am single. And the difference, I believe in regard to those movies, is mainly that I cannot blame another person for not being the way I want to be; not living the life I want to live.

Berlin, Day 5.

One of the people working at a local radio station here must be the biggest ABBA fan in the world. So far, I've heard an average of two ABBA songs per day; and I am not listening to the radio all the time (so imagine how many songs must be playing during the whole day). Who would have guessed that my time here in Berlin would have an ABBA soundtrack?

Also, on Sunday, the very first "Currywurst"-Museum will open in Berlin. I don't believe there is anything more German than making a museum for a sausage.

Berlin, Day 2

If I were to live permanently in Berlin, I think I would spend most of my time in organic supermarkets. I feel healthy and sane just by walking around the isle and looking at 100 different brands of Tofu and Yogi tea.

Also, I didn't know that Dawson from Dawson's Creek lived in Berlin. But he does. I saw him on the subway today.

Like me, Dawson wasn't really impressed by the musical performance of a busker riding with us on the train. The lyrics of his song were something like: "My song is true/ don't feel blue/ I sing for you/ you lovely crew". It was the kind of song, in short, where kiss rhymes with bliss; and the likes - you get the picture, the guy wasn't exactly e.e.cummings (unfortunately). He then advised us to either download his songs on I-tunes or trade one of his handmade CDs right there on the spot. None of the things I had in my bag seemed worth trading.

Berlin, Day 1. R.I.P. the cheap way

The first difference you notice immediately about Berlin in comparison to Munich are the graffitis.
The most bizarre discovery of the evening was a Discount Funeral Home. Apparently, there is a market out there for people who are looking for a cheap way to spend their after lives. (Maybe one of the effects of the financial crisis.)

Makes sense, when you think about it. Why should I spend a lot of money on, say, a coffin, considering the thing is gonna rot in the soil anyway? Also, why would you wanna spend a lot of money on that stupid great uncle once removed and his death? Clearly, Discount Funeral Homes are a market niche. And let's be honest, MJ was probably the only one in a long time (maybe the first one since the Pharaons) to be burried in a golden coffin - if they're ever going to bury him at all, that is.
I love Berlin, capitol of cheap funerals.

Space and time

It's strange how a change of places seems to make you leave your "regular" life behind. It is as if spatial distance also means temporal distance; and the people and places you usually see every day seem not only kilometres, but years away.
It makes me wonder whether this is the reason why I feel old(er) at times; as if the fact that I have moved a couple of times and sort of started anew in different places has made me grow older than I really am. As if every move meant adding at least a year; thus multiplying my birthdays and life years.