So I've been doing a lot of thinking about this whole growing up business. You know, it's my big thing for 2010. It's like my concept, my project, whatever.
Don't get me wrong - this is NOT AT ALL about trying to live by yourself, take responsability for what you do, be reasonable, bla bla. Sometimes when I say to people "I think 2010 will be the year when I grow up", they turn their eyes in a slightly condescending way sighing "Oh, I wish I was only growing up now! You know, I had to be a grown up from way early on in my life..." Upon which, ususally, follows some variation of a deprived childhood or other really "bad" experience that made people grow up "the hard way" and "way before their time".
So let me get this right: I've had my share of bad experience; I pay for my life (in every way); I moved out of my parents house when I was 18 and have been living by myself since I was 23 - so in terms of responsibilty, getting my life straight, cleaning up and cooking for myself, I'm doing all right. Growing up, for me, is not about being reasonable or not going out every night or just getting old and somewhat middle-class. It's not about getting married or starting to have kids or all this other bourgeois bullshit.
What it means to me is mostly a kind of courage, maybe even audacity. It's about knowing yourself, being in touch with yourself and taking decisions about your life without either totally depending on the judgement of others or just fucking the judgement of others. It has, for me, a lot to do with serenity, and calmness - a kind of distance or difference to the world and to yourself, that does not mean you ignore the world and don't give a shit, but that you have a slight gap around you letting you breathe and letting you take your decisions for yourself - and most importantly, letting you take audacious decisions. No cowardness will do; no excuse; no extenuating circumstances.
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