Instead of drunk dialing or drunk messaging...

I never meant things to happen this way. I wanted to be serious about life; proper, clear-cut, sober, measured - reasonable, if you like.
I talked to a very dear friend of mine recently, and she said that she was curious about life, always asking for more, always asking why. I don't ask for more anymore (woa, what a line...); in the face of things happening to me, I've been asking myself for quite a few years now: Why? but in the sense of: why me? I never asked for anything other than a little slice of happiness; not a very big one, you know, just the bearable kind. Just the "oh, I'll have just a tiny, little serving more"-kinda type. Over time, and in the face of the things that happened to me, all I ask for now is to be left alone; not to be bothered anymore. I feel like I've enough to cope for as it is; so thanks - I don't need anymore of anything, really. Other maybe than the utmost piece of happiness; this time the boundary-less, unjustifiably big happiness-portion, all for myself and without conditions; without the ifs and buts, without back-doors.

And spare me with all the bullshit about self-pity and narcistic self-centeredness. Right now, I think I am entitled to a lot of self-pity. I'm sitting here with my Ipod on, and it doesn't even have a repeat function that allows me to hear my favourite song without having to press a button all the time; so I think I'm entitled to a huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge amount of self-pity.