The pigeonhole

I've been hatching an idea these days. I have to do yet another presentation in a seminar next week; it's actually my first presentation in my new academic context that isn't about my PhD project, but about a Butler text.

My academic surrounding here is a lot less queer or feminist than it has been the past years. Consequently, and quite strangly, I feel that I've been sort of identified as the gender person; I mean, there was no question as to who should present the Butler text, it was pretty clear that people expected me to be the expert and volunteer. And, all in all that's fine and dandy; I somewhat willingly or unwillingly resign to the role that others have cut out for me (or that I presume the others have cut out for me).

So, the big gamble is: My idea, the one I've been carrying with me the past days, involves more or less starting my presentation with a fairly personal statement; a sort of poetic text (in the broadest sense) about that good ol' game of doing gender. It really centers around a tie which I intend to wear on that particular occasion, and what that has to do with the other people's expectations towards my sex, gender, desire and so on. (The text itself, which I've already written, is, of course, much grander than this pitiful summary.) The point being to sort of mime Judith Butler's text and feminist tradition itself, you know the whole idea of writing the personal into the public/academic, and Butler's reluctance to resign to the categories of feminism (or categories in general); so it's a mimesis of a mimesis of a mimesis, sort of (needless to say: the seminar is about mimesis). It's meant to be a kind of mimetic performance, I guess.

I really feel like doing this sort of thing; and particularly in this context. But I'm also feeling like I'm putting myself at risk; exposing myself in a way I have no idea whether the other would consider appropriate. In any case, I'm quite sure I can get away with it, you know, being sort of boxed as the gender person already, that presentation will just fortify the impressions about me. Which will, and here's the problem, have quite the contrary effect of Butler's attempt to fluidify categories, cementing them instead. It's a bit of vicious circle, really. (And it reminds me of that most funny scene in Life of Brian, see below. Not that I pride myself as the new messias...)

The unexpected thing would probably be to make not only a very regular and straight-forward presentation (and wear a nice little skirt instead of a tie), but also (maybe?) to critizise Butler (and that is quite impossible, of course).

The quandaries of identity, ladies and gentlemen.